June 2013
127 posts
“Sometimes suffering is just suffering. It doesn’t make you stronger. It doesn’t build character. It only hurts.”
—Kate Jacobs (via coffeepeople)
“
It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.
A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.
Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.
You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.
You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.
Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.
Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.
I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.
You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.
Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?
We shall see.
” —
You’re Not Making The Most Of Your 20s, Ryan O’Connell
(via genioussteals)
“in the end
i want my heart
to be covered
in stretch marks” —Andrea Gibson (via perieratus)
i want my heart
to be covered
in stretch marks” —Andrea Gibson (via perieratus)
“Watch out for intellect,
because it knows so much it knows nothing
and leaves you hanging upside down,
mouthing knowledge as your heart
falls out of your mouth.” —Anne Sexton (via sugarandair)
because it knows so much it knows nothing
and leaves you hanging upside down,
mouthing knowledge as your heart
falls out of your mouth.” —Anne Sexton (via sugarandair)
“you could be
the driest desert wind
that ever was
and i could be soaked
in rain right through
to my bones
and i would still
drown before letting
you wring me out” —makes-me-sicker (via makes-me-sicker)
the driest desert wind
that ever was
and i could be soaked
in rain right through
to my bones
and i would still
drown before letting
you wring me out” —makes-me-sicker (via makes-me-sicker)
“The first time I saw you, my heart fell. The second time I saw you, my heart fell. The third time fourth time fifth time and every time since, my heart has fallen.
I stared at her.
You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Your hair, your eyes, your lips, your body that you haven’t grown into, the way you walk, smile, laugh, the way your cheeks drop when you’re mad or upset, the way you drag your feet when you’re tired. Every single thing about you is beautiful.
I stared at her.
When I see you the World stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There’s nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The World just stops and it is a beautiful place and there is only you. Just you, and my eyes staring at you.
I stared.
When you’re gone, the World starts again, and I don’t like it as much. I can live in it, but I don’t like it. I just walk around in it and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It’s the best fucking thing I’ve ever known or ever felt, the best thing, and that, beautiful Girl, is why I stare at you.” —James Frey, A Million Little Pieces (via nancycatmewmew)
I stared at her.
You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Your hair, your eyes, your lips, your body that you haven’t grown into, the way you walk, smile, laugh, the way your cheeks drop when you’re mad or upset, the way you drag your feet when you’re tired. Every single thing about you is beautiful.
I stared at her.
When I see you the World stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There’s nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The World just stops and it is a beautiful place and there is only you. Just you, and my eyes staring at you.
I stared.
When you’re gone, the World starts again, and I don’t like it as much. I can live in it, but I don’t like it. I just walk around in it and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It’s the best fucking thing I’ve ever known or ever felt, the best thing, and that, beautiful Girl, is why I stare at you.” —James Frey, A Million Little Pieces (via nancycatmewmew)
“When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.”
—John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany (via jaegerjaques)
“But I didn’t understand then. That I could hurt somebody so badly she would never recover. That a person can, just by living, damage another human being beyond repair.”
—Haruki Murakami (via stxxz)
“I might be in love with you.” He smiles a little. “I’m waiting until I’m sure to tell you, though.”
—Veronica Roth (via gildings)
“And that is how change happens.
One gesture. One person. One moment at a time. ” —Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing (via larmoyante)
One gesture. One person. One moment at a time. ” —Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing (via larmoyante)
you don’t grow up thinking girls are pretty —
that’s a lie.
you do.it’s not until you’re fourteen and
being called a lesbian while your
friends laugh and girls pretend
to cover their chests in front of you
that you realize two things —one;
you weren’t looking at girls
like the other girls were.
two;
kids are cruel.
If we were clothes,
you would be a red sweater
washed with white towels,
and I would be a black jacket
washed in hot water.
You would stain and kiss,
all that was around you
playfully with your colour,
and I would just fade,
one wash after the other.
“You tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake…You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that.”
—Warsan Shire (via paveo)
“Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls. The walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of churches.”
—Unknown (via pl-eiades)
i am dumb
i think that i still talk about you
to my friends
because i’m hoping that someday down the line
the story will change
and i’ll be able to understand what you do and who you are
and you’ll change your mind
and i’ll forgive you
and maybe
we could one day be
together.
“We live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves. The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena; they are crucified alone. Embraced, the lovers desperately try to fuse their insulated ecstacies into a single self-transcendence; in vain. By its very nature every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude.”
—Aldous Huxley, The Doors of Perception (via whatokay)
“I don’t mind being lonely,
So leave me alone.
You’re acting all holy,
Me, I’m just full of holes.” —Frightened Rabbit - ‘Holy’ (via thoseoldfools)
So leave me alone.
You’re acting all holy,
Me, I’m just full of holes.” —Frightened Rabbit - ‘Holy’ (via thoseoldfools)
“My definition of love is being robbed in an alley eight times in a row, and hoping there’s something about today that makes all of this different.”
—Rudy Francisco, Scars (via deeplystained)
“I’ve been lonely for a long time now, hoping anyone who I perceive as better than me will scoop me up on a night kite rescue mission and love me so hard that I can finally forget about this feeling left over from all the years my blood was boiling. Dear Gravel, it doesn’t work like that. If anyone ever loves you that hard, hard as you’ve been dreaming, chances are you will not believe them
Until you accept yourself.” —Buddy Wakefield - “Start” (via soundyouryawp)
Until you accept yourself.” —Buddy Wakefield - “Start” (via soundyouryawp)
